Well! Here I sit a changed man. I feel so full of love for this beautifully amazing woman in my life. She has unwillingly and unknowingly brought about fellings within my heart, mind and soul. that will forever change the coures of my life and already have in so many ways. Though small failures are inevitable. They are so minor in consiqunce that I no longer feel threatened by them or worried about where the next one may appear. What ever it may be. I used to be so caught up in my fear of disappointing this woman that I so dearly love. I in turn brought about the greatest disappointment a man could create for his "true soul mate". I failed to show her how I truely felt and how she made every day barrable. From her calm resting beauty on the mornings I would have to kiss her on the cheek while she slept before departing for the long hours ahead.To her soft supportive voice some hot mid summer days silently begging me to come home. Both of us knowing that I could not."I don't think to this day that she knows I heard those silent requests from her heart." I am the one silently begging now." From her radiant smiles and her deep loving blue eyes when I came in the door exausted. To the kisses she gave me that would melt an iceberg. So full of love and passion she was. I to weak to return it. To caught up in ...What? Love is so much more desireable, gratifiing, completing to the soul and heart than anything I have experienced before. So much more rewarding. Just to love someone like I love this woman. It is not something that can be compared nor should it be.

My love... Accept all that I have to give and do not feel guilty for taking it. It is mine to give freely to whom ever I wish. I chose to give it to you. Do not under sell yourself. You are more deserving of love than you believe. We all are. We all make mistakes but we need only feel guilty if those who we thought loved us are not willing to forgive us. Are not willing to fight for us or stand beside us when so many seem to think we are wrong. True love, true friends, true soul mates never give up supporting us in our conquest to find happiness. They are always there. As I will be for you. Where ever, when ever, what ever. You have lead me to believe in myself and to believe that a person can love another entirely. To believe that you were right all along. Forgive me for being so closed, so unsharing of myself.

In your eyes I long to see
my reflection.
In your arms I long to be
without refection.
In your heart I long to feel
love once found.
In your heaven with you I long kneel
And be forever bound.


Love Your Dordie Man xoxo To hold you is the spark that ignites my flame and fuels my passions. The passions we share.

I am such a fool!! This is happening. It is really going to happen and it feels like my heart is being cut into little pieces. I feel the pain in my chest as though someone were stabbing me fisically. I am torchering myself right now. I am so stupid I could just die. I only want to be with the only woman I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just want to spend time with her and yet that seems to be too much to ask right now. I know this, but yet instead of just keeping quiet. Swallowing my emotions. I blurt out the most ridiculous statements and end up kicking myself inthe heart. She may have came back in only an hour from now. But I'm sure it will be much longer. Who wants to come back to a jealous affection starved idiot any way? I was sorry the moment she left. I love that woman. I love being with her. I am so fucked up right now. One minute I'm happy. She talks sweetly to me and tells me how special I am and the next minute I am immagining the worst possible out come for the future. I say the most rediculous things and blow away all the ground I thought I had covered to accepting what is happening. I feel like shit!
I keep asking myself if she will ever love me the way I need and want to be loved by her. Did I miss my chance so long ago? Hope is all that i am going to be left with. Hope and want. Hope can lift a man so high and want can bring him crashing to the ground. I need to find the balancing point.

See what has happened? I am sitting here alone typing god only knows what. I can't even remember how I got started here. All that I can think about is my beautiful Michelle. I wish I could tell her I'm sorry. I wish I could take her up in my arms and swing her around. Hold her tightly so that she would know the things I said were out of confusion and have no real merrit. They were not meant and I wish i could have reached out and snatched them back before they reached her ears. OH! how I sit here and reach out to her. Can she feel me? Does she know I am in agony? Does she my plea for forgiveness. I"m yelling "It doesn't matter" "I know I'm not making sense"" I LOVE YOU" and sometimes I go beyond crazy. I know! I know!
I'm sorry! I am in love with you and There is nothing I would not forgive you for. Please forgive me...I have heard that that is what friends are called friends for. They forgive each other. Everything! and then they start fresh again.

Your presence in my mind fills my heart with the desire to give and then give again the love that it contains.
Love always Dordie!

I have attempted to fill the void I once created. I fear the journey is long. I have yet to make up for so much. So much that I have missed. So much damage that was done. Will she ever look at me with those eyes again? Allow me the pleasure of her whole heart once more. I am open now. I am receptive. I am here and I am in the deepest love a man could possibly know. With her. I will remain in waiting for as long as it takes.
I love my Michelle and there is nothing I can do to control the way i feel for her.

Dordie...

My Flavour..according to Emode.com ...

Mmm ... jalapeño! Spicy and energetic, you're everyone's favorite flavor on a Friday night. A little wild, a little dangerous, you add an edge to every occasion without going overboard. You're fiery, but not the four-alarm kind. That's because your exuberant sense of fun comes through in everything you do — you're always the life of the party. If you were a cocktail, you'd probably be a margarita — fun, festive, and popular. You make every occasion so memorable that no one ever stops to wonder whether you were there. Zesty and sizzling, you're a truly tasty treat

An apt discription of myself...if I do say so..myself...and...I do ! HAHA !

Hark - the oracle speaks! A bolt of lightning falls from the sky! SHAZAAM! As the smoke clears, the hidden deity in you emerges and is revealed to be:

EROS, God of Love.

As a devotee of this long-neglected virtue, you are a committed romantic. You prefer to savor the joys of seduction before you step into the bedroom. This quality makes you incredibly attractive to women, who seem to melt in your presence. They sense your strong character and respect your ideals. They dream of stealing you away and making dreamy love to you all day long. Not to say you wouldn't be happy to oblige, but you want to make sure that there's some emotional or intellectual compatibility between you and your partner to carry the relationship along. By the time you are ready to show them your godly performance, they're hooked. You take sex seriously and show your lucky woman a passion that has only existed in her wildest dreams. You are probably an emotionally expressive and sensitive person whose pleasure comes from pleasing others. Your chivalrous ways have probably earned you a following of fans and a trail of satisfied mortals in your wake.

I HAVE RETURNED!!!!!

It has been such a long time since I have sat before this blog and I have missed it. I do not get the time to write I once took. There are many things that race through my mind each day. Things that I wish for my beautiful Michelle to hear are sometimes lost in the days confusion. I have this time now to recall some of the thoughts of her I have each day.
I have told my sweet girl that I love her in many ways. I have shown her the feelings inside the deepest parts of my soul she has unlocked. I have, as she put it in words "evolved" into a man I can be proud of and not embarrased to show the world just how much the woman I married means to me. But most of all I have come to discover that the love I have and I feel within me for this ANGEL OF MINE is fathomless. Each day that passes, each twist and turn our lives takes, every page that is turned, each time I look into those stunning blue eyes and I see that I am missed, that there is love looking back at me like I once saw before. I feel as though I have been blessed and my love for her grows a little deeper. If that is possible. It must be , because I find it happening to me.

Love always Dordie :o)

Michelle..........What you do to me!!!!!!!

So sensual and deeply felt
Are thesubtle glances you cast my way
When we are close but cannot touch
Oh! how you make my heart stop that way....

As the stares from your captivating eyes draw me closer
They reach deep within me and begin to play
You toy with my soul and steal my breath
Oh! how you make my heart stop each day...

My knees become weak and I tremble with desire.
I feel the strings of my heart begin to fray
as I read the seductive whispers escaping from your lips
Oh! how you make my heart that way....

You close your eyes and send a gentle kiss
Your beauty surpasses all I know and see
That kiss crashes into me and there is no one else but you
Who can stop my heart that way....

You see what you have done to me and smile
My heart pounds again as I close the distance us and say
Take me my sweet love, Take me. I surrender.
You have stopped my heart for in yet another way....

As you wrap your arms around me and our lips meet
You tell my soul without words, that everything is Ok
"Be at peace my love" you say.
I will be here to stop your heart each and every day.

Dordie :o)

SO much to write about and so little time to do it in. I wish I could post more often but I cannot. Life is moving at the speed of light and we all can do nothing but hang on. I fear too much will be missed and I find myself scibbling on any thing I can find just about anywhere I might be so it will not be forgoten.
An event that both Michelle and I have been anticipating has come about and Tracey has moved in with us. I do love her so and I am glad that we are in a possition that she could do that. Michelle and I have found each other again and it is beautiful. Now to add in the third of best friends can only mean that the three of us, who think so much alike, can just be here to support and love each other and have a little fun after all that has been happening. I think we all deserve to just cuddle up under that special blanket for a while and feel safe in each others love. HEY WATCH WERE YOU TWO ARE PUTTING YOUR HANDS. IM NOT THAT TYPE OF GUY. "HEHEHE!"
No, but seriously that would be heaven. It is a wonderful feeling to have three friends that can be that close to each other and feel competely comfortable together. How much more can a person be thankful for??? I have been given the second chance to find that out and I am already so thankful for what has been given to me in this life. I almost threw it all away and didn't even know I was doing it.

My ANGELS must have been working overtime to pull this one off. I am now a true believer that LOVE, real honest LOVE that you cannot fake will conquer all that is.

I am now a different person in all the ways that I should be and I am proud of who I have become. I like this person I am growing into. I like him alot. Thank you my Angel babies. You know who you two are. I love you both. Lets start living a little together!!!!!!!!

Your one and only Dordie Baby ;o)