Well.... that was incredible! There is just something about those special tasty treats that leaves me always wanting more and there is just something about that secret sauce. I don't know what she puts in it but I can only say that I crave it nightly. I think I will just have to indulge in another one later. I should also tell you that this sandwich carries no calories, as if I have to watch my weight any way! HA!
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Yummmmmy! I can hardly wait............................................................

Sorry! Drifted for a minute, back now.

As any of the regular readers can probably sense. I am feeling much better these days. The past two weeks have generally been great except for a couple of momentary break downs and one big one, But Michelle has always been there to hold me and warm my heart again with her comforting reasurance and loving words. I cannot tell you how thankful I am for still having her in my life this way. I say MY LIFE, well, Michelle is MY LIFE. The only one I have come to know and the only one I will ever care to. I never knew that a person could have so much of this kind of feeling for another person locked up inside thier heart and now that mine has gained the freedom to express what it feels for Michelle I know our life together has just increased ten fold. It seems that every day that passes we become more and more ONE again. What an incredible feeling!
When all this began, a day I will never forget (Oct 28,2000) I had never before felt so completely destroyed in all my life. In the blink of an eye, in the single crash of the heart beat I though was my last, before the tears that streamed down my face had time to hit the floor I felt as though I wanted to die. I thought I was already dead. There was nothing left. I had already lost her.... I must tell you some of Michelle's sweet words that she said to me only a couple of nights ago. One sentence in perticular stands out in my mind. She said, "You were so brave to fight for me not knowing or thinking that I may not love you the way you wanted me too anymore, but still you were brave and you fought for me." I will tell you that in that horrible moment I was not the one who was brave. In fact it was my heart that took over from that time. Even if I didn't know what was happening. My heart knew that she loved me still and that it was going to do everything in its power to let her know just how much she ment to me. It gave me the strength to believe and the hope to carry on as did her words and comforting arms.
I must go now but I will be back later. I would like to say that in that first moment I may not have known it until many days later that I was a boy no longer. I have become a man equal to my peers and in some ways I hope better. I love you Michelle and there is nothing false about that. Nothing I have said or done has been false during this so dificult time for both of us. I will always be here for you with open arms and a warm heart to comfort you. I will see you soon baby.

All my self.... Your Dordie ;o)

Forget those bachelor meals, I will tell you the ingredients to the most tantalizingly delicious, mouthwatering, tastebud savoring sandwich I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. And best of all, it isn't made from leftovers, only clean , fresh, quality products. First I would like to start with soft, bakery warm Pita bread, nice soft fleshy pockets to cushion the incredible morsels within their folds. When I spread open these folds I will find beneath a thin layer of the sweetest sauce ( a secret recipe created just for me by someone very special ). I will tell you the sauce has an incredible taste of honey, with the tangy sweetness of mao...mmmm. On top of this sweet layer spread out neatly in a slightly flowered pattern , are the thinnest slices of light pink ham, resting gently on either side of the pita's soft cushioning. Inside those layers of ham, right in the middle I dab a bit more of the tasty sauce so that when I wrap my mouth around the finished product , the warm juices flow directly into my mouth. When you close the folds of the sandwich together, just sprinkle a few alpha sprouts on the closed folds and I guarantee this delicate morsel will look as good as it will tastes. Bachelors eat your heart out , this is a meal reserved for a happily married man, a real man.
Dordie

Merry Christmas Everyone ! I do believe in Santa Claus... this has always been my favourite time of year ! The only time I can be away from work and be with my family and enjoy them. Thank you to my angels whomever you may be . I will always remember this Christmas as being my best so far...I love you Michelle !

Happy anniversary my sweet love. I sit here awaiting your return. I can honestly say that the desire to take you in my arms and kiss you so that you will know all I have said and done is only the begining of the incredible life that I hope we will spend together as best friends, confidants, lovers and parents is by far the greatest desire I have ever experienced in my life. You have truely opened my heart and set free the confidence in me to become the man I have so long searched for. The man who can do anything without doubt and the man who finds no effort in loving you with all that is possible to be found in any heart. You are my "ONE" and that is something that I will never question again as long as we both shall live. I can only hope that in time you may find that I am the same in your heart and soul. I think you will because I can already see flashes of it in your beautiful eyes and I can feel that passion in your kisses.

Never doubt my feelings for you again. I will make it quite Impossible for that to happen anyway. You have unlocked my heart and soul and now I am going to do the same to you. I think you already know that.
I will see you soon. Hold on tight. This is going to be one rollercoaster you are never going to want to get off of. The funny thing is that I'm actually going to be right there holding your hand. Find that one hard to believe? Just you wait and see!!!

LOVE DORDIE ;o)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HA !!!!!!!!

MICHELLE (my Angel)

Here is just a little though I had in hopes that someday soon I will hold you close and know that "WE" are what "WE" need! I quote;
"Take a look at my face. There is no price I won't pay to say these words to you."

I AM.....

Captivated by your blue eyes
My memories are all too clear...
Of things we've done and said
I'll pull you close now dear.

Lost within you it seems
A heart captured in the years...
Of all our dreams
Now lost somewhere in my tears...

My heart is still bleeding
I cannot lessen the flow...
In my silent pleeding
I just refuse to let go.

I know we dream alike
I am truely awake and found...
I can see and feel you struggling
To discover some kind of solid ground.

Your tears I will dry
Your fears I will console...
I'll hold you close and cry
When we are again whole.

I found you once and
Captivated I still remain...
Trapped by a moment in time
My hearts freedom I have again.

Free now to love you completely
With no regrets or lies...
Free now to put back all
The passion in your beautiful eyes. Dordie.

This is such a small part of who I am. There is so much more I want to give of myself to you Michelle. I want to be so deep inside your heart that you will never again feel that you are not the single most incredible woman in the entire world to me. Everything I do, every breath I take. I take for you and our wonderful children. As difficult as they and the world can be at times. I will stand with pride by you for who your are and never let you know again that you are not my princess at all times. I hold no one in higher esteem than you. With you at my side holding my hand there can be no stronger man alive. I am proud of who I am, what I believe and to tell everyone that you are my wife, my best friend, a woman who can stand up for her self and that I love her for that. I know you will find the answers you seek. As illusive as they may seem right now. I know we were brought together for a reason or reasons not clear to us yet and I will do all that is within me to make sure that you never know anything different than the fact that I love you with more of my heart, mind,and soul than I could ever hope to describe to you in simple words.
I hope that I have made some sense in these words and besides you know I'm just going to keep bugging you to death. So don't you dare give in yet. I don't think you are ready for all of me. You have to take these things slow. In time you will come to know the true depth of our love for each other and all the things that we share. I just let you forget for a time. You know, I just wanted something like this to happen to shake things up a bit. HA! HA! HA! YA RIGHT!!!! Well it has happened and in most ways I am thankful for it. I have nightmares over the thought that I could have just carried on the way I was going and you would have been so unhappy. That thought gives me even more strength to stand tall and hold myself together. As hard as it has been at times for me and for you I know that this feeling I have for you could not be matched by any man.

Don't be afraid to cry over him. I will hold you close and my love will sooth your pain. Our love for each other will heal the both of us.

I love you in all your differnent complex ways. Long passionate kisses your DORDIE :o)

Well! I finally made it back. The past few days have seemed like an eternity. So much work to do, so much preparing for christmas and not nearly enough time spent with Michelle. The time we have spent together though has been wonderful. I am so in love with this woman. You cannot imagine what I am feeling when I Iook at her. I feel like such a lucky man to be with her and to love her this way. Like I always dreamed of and found it so difficult to just do. I have let the world and what other people might think control my life long enough. I will not let it happen again! I am taking control and if anyone seems to think I am wierd or different. Well, to bad! This is my life and I am going to live it while I'm alive." I love that song"

I have managed to bring my fears of Michelle leaving under some control. I just set the thought in my mind that I do love her completely and with all my heart and soul and nothing could be more true than that fact. I have not given up. Oh no, not at all . I just stopped trying to control things and in that I have found some peace. I can feel the two of us drawing closer each day. I pray to a higher power that I believe is out there somewhere watching and possibly helping, each day for the only outcome I can dream of. A family together, stronger, closer, knowing each other completely and happier in love for it.

I have now taken faith in myself and in what I feel will happen in the days and weeks to come. I cannot see the future but for some reason, a reason I will keep secret. I felt better for the first time since the day I was Thunderstruck. (Oct 28/2000) A day I will never forget as long as I live. The heavy hand that clenched my heart seemed to relax its grip a great deal and I am happier today.

These next words come straight from my heart for my Angel Michelle. When I touch her there is nothing in this world that I can think of that feels as good as she does....

HEART OF THUNDER!!!

Beat still my heart of thunder.
Your pounding threatens to crumble the very groung beneath me I fear.
Flashes of light from your fire blind my reality..
And she is there.

Beat still. Oh! beat still this heart of thunder.
You will soon hold her again and gaze upon her beauty.
Gaze deep into her radiant blue eyes...
And you will beat still!

For in her final moment of despair her tears shattered your silence and you heard.
Every cry she ever sent out became one and you awoke.
To burn so fiercly within this mortal figure I fear it will be consumed.
Beat still this heart of thunder her kiss awaits.

Beat still, beat strong now. She has shown you the way.
Revealing your mislead paths.
Always fighting battles far ahead in search of greater strength.
When all along the greatest strength you could ever achieve stood so patiently behind you.
Pleading desperatly to be heard. Pleading, "I'm here!. I'm right here!".
Beat still and lead this angel to the place she so longed to journey too. If only you alone would take her there.

Beat still my heart of thunder.
The sun has risen upon your dark struggle.
Reached into you and revealed that it is her touch alone that silences the storms.
Turn around and you will beat still!

Oh! Heart of thunder so pure she has finally reached you.
Embrace her with all your strength and fire.
Steadily warm her shaking fragile soul. Beat still! Beat still!
Soon I will reunite you with her and you will beat still MY HEART OF THUNDER!!!!!!!!

For My Michelle. Feel safe in my arms each night. I am here now my love. Gentle kisses..... Your Dordie Baby :o)